I do not have a child, who for a week solid has complained of stomach aches ONLY AT BED TIME. If I had a child like this, they would never get out of bed smiling and laughing, tummy ache gone as soon as she was out of bed. Since I don’t have a child like this, I would NEVER give said child a terrible tasting herb to “get rid of her belly ache.” I would never suspect such antics to be only a ploy to get out of bed.
After I did not do the above mentioned act, the said child’s siblings did not, in complete hysteria, nearly on the floor from laughter, tell me I was mean. They did not proceed to ask their sister if her belly still hurt, and if she needed some more medicine. Strangely, the medicine worked in record time. After only one minute her belly ache was completely cured, and a second dose was not needed.
After said child was in bed, my beloved did not ask, “Are you going to bottle and market a child’s fake illness herb?” Seriously, he would know that there would be no market for such things.
While trying to write and edit a blog post this week, I did not in frustration let out a yell of complete frustration and anger. Truly, I think blogger is wonderful. Since I did not scream “Arrrrguh!!!” at the top of my lungs, my children could never, in unison, from the next room, yell ,”I HATE BLOGGER!” then collapse with laughter. Since I have NEVER lost my cool with blogger in the past, they would have no way of knowing what I was angry about.
I did not master the art of going to the bathroom standing up after a hour long session of body pump. After all, I am in such svelte physical condition that those 75+ squats had no effect on me whatsoever. So getting up and down from a sitting position..no problem. Therefore going to the bathroom was no problem at all.
I did not just post on my blog that I can now pee standing up, that would be so embarrassing.
After writing the above sentence I did not immediately think of my friend Shara, and her bathroom problems. Even as she reads this she is blushing, thinking, “I can’t believe she told the world I have bathroom problems!” So I DO feel the need to clarify, that her problems consist only of the fact that she actually goes to the bathroom. Very touchy subject it is. I still feel the need to get her the book Everybody Pees.
Ahh, laughter. I needed some…and now I feel better indeed.