Faithful Remembrances Blog

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I’m Not Ready For This November 24, 2009

Filed under: Adoption,Adoption Journal,William — faithfulremembrances @ 1:26 pm

Last night I was standing in the kitchen when William came running in, grinning from ear to ear.  “Mommy my tooth!” he exclaimed.  I turned around to see him holding his tooth in his hand.

I was unexpectedly emotional about this.

I know he is going to be six on Friday, but he still looks like a four year old.  So in my sweetly deceived mind, he is still a “baby”.   Surly he couldn’t be old enough to be losing his teeth.

To make matters worse, I didn’t even know he had loose teeth.  This was a grim reminder to me of all the things he doesn’t know to tell me.    I can’t even begin to count the number of times I asked him why he didn’t tell me one thing or another.  He doesn’t tell me because he doesn’t know to tell me.  That makes me so sad.  The fact is,  for the first four and a half years of his life he didn’t have anyone to tell his exciting news to.  No one who could take the time to love on him when he got hurt.  No one to hold him when he was sad.  While he has flourished in our family, I was reminded once again that he still doesn’t fully know what it means to be a son.  He is learning.  So are we.  We are learning that while our first three children would have run to us with joy to tell us they had loose teeth, I might need to ask the younger two.   I am learning while our first three would come running to us whenever they were hurt or afraid, and pour out their hurts to us, with the younger two I have to look for cues and facial expressions.  Then I have to delicately pull from them what is going on.  It is not an easy task.  It is time-consuming.  Sometimes I just don’t want to take the time to do it.

But I have to.

It is such a vivid picture to me of God’s pursuing love for us.  This orphan child, adopted into the family of God, doesn’t always run to my Abba either.  He has to loving draw things out of me.  He pursues me.  It is not in my nature to run to Him.  He is teaching me to though.  I am much quicker to seek Him now that I was when He first made me His own.  I have grown closer to Him.  I do trust Him with my hurts, fears, and joys.  Even now, He draws out of the deep recesses of my heart, and shows me things about myself I could never have known, were it not for his abiding love.

I pray I can be more like my Heavenly Father in my parenting.  His example of love, devotion, and discipline are more than enough.   I need only follow.

Now for the good news about this whole tooth loosing debacle:

William did come running to me after his tooth came out.  He was thrilled to get to show me his tooth.  That makes me smile.  May not seem like a big deal to some, but this mama knows just how huge that is.

Plus, I didn’t have to deal with the grossness factor of the whole thing.  That was a bonus too.

And now my Squishy, minus one tooth.



3 Responses to “I’m Not Ready For This”

  1. Keltie Says:

    That is one sweet little face. I am overjoyed that William has such an attentive mama.

    It reminds me that there is not too long until I have the same thing happening over here.

    My kids discovered the song “All I Want For Christmas is My 2 Front Teeth” a few weeks ago. They have not stopped singing it since.

  2. LauraDodson Says:

    what a big boy! sorry Mama. ;o)

    i’m glad he ran to tell you the good news!

  3. shannon Says:

    yep. I, too, have to remind myself to teach Billy & Becky to tell me things. I totally get this. And yes-they are all growing up. Much faster than I would prefer. Becky’s teeth are getting loose too. 🙂

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