Faithful Remembrances Blog

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Phobias February 1, 2010

Filed under: Family — faithfulremembrances @ 11:46 am

The world is rife with people with this and that kind of phobia.

Take Janet for example, she has this silly phobia of bears. BEARS! Seriously, what is so scary about bears? CLEARLY, everyone thinks they are cute. Afterall, the majority of stuffed animals are in fact bears. Cute, cuddly, and harmless….unless of course you provoke them to wrath. In which case they will likely rip to you to shreds. How often does that happen, really?

Spiders, however, well they are a different creature all together.

How many stuffed spiders have you received from your mother as a gift?  How many times has your husband brought you home a stuffed spider for valentines?

That’s right never.

Unless of course you have some strange dark side you keep hidden from the rest of the world. In which case, that is just sick. Sick I tell you.

No, Arachnophobia is a legitimate and understandable phobia. I never remember a time I was not terrified by these sick little eight legged multi eyed creatures. Unlike others, my fear is founded in solid facts.

They are fast, they are smart, and they are out to attack me.

I can just imagine your thoughts, I have heard them all before. However, it is true, they are out to get me.

Once my dad found a HUGE spider in his sock drawer. He put it a butter dish, snapped the lid down tight, and left my mother (who is equally afraid of spiders) a sweet note telling her all about what he had found. I read the note….she did not. She thought he left her a snack. She open the bowl, screamed and THREW IT AT ME!

One night, not too many years ago, I opened my front door and in walked a tarantula. I am dead serious. It walked right in like it was an invited guest. I went into a screaming frenzy. SCREAMING, I tell you. That horrific thing backed up into the corner, lifted its front legs, and bared its fangs at me. The only people home with me at the time were my then five and three year old sons. One of which was in a total panick, and the other was starring at me in wide eyed horror as I screamed, “Kaleb be a man a kill the spider!”

I used to deliver newspapers. Don’t laugh it paid obscenely well. In the middle of the night, one gets a terrible glimpse of just how many spiders are out there in this big mean world. MILLIONS! We are seriously out numbered. Did I mention they are smart? Once they get together, it is just a matter of time before we are all tied up in nice little web bundles. One night, I had my sweet little Grace, safely buckled into her car seat, and the passenger side of my car filled up to the window with papers. I was driving along, minding my own business when I heard a soft little thump, just above my head. Curios, I flipped on the dome light to see what it was. A spider, A BIG HUGE SPIDER, perched ever so innocently right above my head, by the door. In an instant, I was sweating and shaking and in tears. There was no way I could just smack the thing. I would miss, it would land on me and attack. I knew its plan. I couldn’t go out my door because the spider was there. I did the only thing I could do, I rolled down the passenger side window, grabbed my phone, and crawled over the papers and out the window.  Then I called Richard. There I stood in the middle of the road, in the middle of the night, sobbing on the phone to my husband. Insisting that he come rescue me, in absolute complete hysteria. Softly he asked, “Where is Grace?” I calmed only slightly, when he pointed out that the spider must not be that bad, because I had not had second thoughts about leaving my defenseless infant in the car with it. That husband of mine REFUSED to drive twenty miles to come and rescue us from this creature of doom. Can you imagine? He insisted I  swat the spider, and get on with my job. The nerve of some people, so uncaring and unkind.

You see, these are just a few of the multitude of stories I could tell, about how spiders are in fact out to get me. They follow me. They chase me. They lie in wait for the perfect time to attack. My fear is real and quite justified.

Unlike SOME people I know.

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6 Responses to “Phobias”

  1. Janet Says:

    Ahem. May I just say that a SPIDER is about a billion times SMALLER than you? And a BEAR is about a billion pounds heavier? Now, WHICH fear is the most justified, I ask you?

    PS- Spiders are essential for our eco-systems. They kill many pests and are very useful. I’m just saying.

    • faithfulremembrances Says:

      All I am simply trying to point out is YOU have never been attacked by a bear. You have a completely unfounded fear. I HOWEVER, have been attacked by many spiders. A totally understandable fear.

      I understand spiders are quite good for our eco-system. However, they are not good for my nervous system. Can’t we just get something else to get all the bugs????

  2. Kori Says:

    Dearest Melissa,

    What will you come up with next? Spiders? Seriously? Just squish it. That’s it, just squish it.

    Just so you know, we have black widows, and I’ve never screamed. I’ve killed plenty of them. They never attack me, they just run for their lives, and I squish them. Nothing to it. Or, you could spray them with the poison. (It’s a little harder to spray or squish a bear.)

    Kori

  3. Tova Says:

    Melissa,

    Your fears are totally normal and real. Spiders are real and scary. They are out to get us and they do out number us. (Just watch The Lord of the Rings Trilogy)

    As for bears!? Not a problem. No issue. Been around bears many times and it’s so lovely to watch them. Spiders? Not lovely to watch. I think your husband is a horrible husband for not saving you. Your fears are real and founded in fact. I understand.

    Tova

    PS. You can vacuum spiders. Then plug the hole.

  4. Shara Says:

    Melissa, if we were together and there was a spider, I would squish it for you cuz I’m a real friend like that:o)

    • faithfulremembrances Says:

      Shara you are so much nicer to me than April. One time, when we were looking at a property, we realized we were standing in a field overrun with spiders, and she ran off and left me there with HER baby. It’s good to know I have a friend whose got my back.


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