It all began sometime last week. Driving home from some far off place, from an already obviously forgotten adventure, (that is why I should blog more, so I can remember my life) a seemingly unimportant conversation between me and my beloved began.
R: “I didn’t know the I* family sent their kids to Life Gate.”
M: “They don’t.”
R: “Yes they do, I saw them there the other day.”
M: “Um, no you didn’t. A. They are public school advocates. B. Their children, with the exception of the youngest girl, are all in college. Not at Life Gate.”
R: “No way!”
M : “Yep, it’s been five years since you taught those kids, and they were all in youth group then. Yes dear, all grown up. Some of those kids you taught are probably married with kids of their own. What were you doing up at the school anyway?”
R: “Um. Well. Uh, I was in the area, I thought I’d stop in and say hi to Josh.”
M: “Really? Why?”
R: ” I had something I wanted to talk to him about.”
M: “Oh really, what was that?”
R: “Um, you know that thing…that one… um…. thing, with the…. um…. sound.”
I was beginning to wonder if I was talking to my husband or some politician.
Suddenly it hits me, my husband is not being completely honest with me. I’m irritated and want to know why.
M: “You are not being honest with me, what are you trying to hide.”
He all of the sudden is VERY irritated with me. I’m clueless as to why he would be mad at ME since HE was the one lying to ME.
R: “You really irritate me you know that! If you must know, I was buying your birthday present!”
M: “Oh. Well then you probably should not have started that conversation. You’re a terrible liar and I have the gift of discernment. You know I pick up on that stuff. So what did you get me anyway? I hope you didn’t spend too much money. Well, what did you get me?”
He was no longer interested in speaking with me. I reminded him yet again that it was useless to try to pull one over on me. He proceeds to try to convince me he bought me a book he thought I would enjoy. Whatever.
Fast forward to Sunday. The pastor brings in some boxes that had come in from Amazon.
Yep, I knew it. I’m a smart cookie. I got a book alright. A book that will hold several books. I’m feeling pretty smug, and he’s still feeling pretty ticked. So he proceeds to entice others to join in his scheming. It’s truly sad how quickly people will fall into various schemes and temptations.
Fast forward to yesterday.
It’s morning. I’m laying in bed surrounded by children and demanding my gifts.
It briefly occurs to me that I always make my children wait until the evening to open their birthday presents, and I am demanding mine first thing. I make a mental note to change that little rule I have about presents.
ANYWAY, I get a lovely coffee cup. It has something written on it alluding to the fact that I can’t remember anything.
I’m really feeling the love.
I want my other present I say.
He storms out of the room, comes back in and tosses my gift on the bed.
I open it. A book. A good book. A book I actually need for Kaleb’s church history. Cool.
I laugh and ask for my REAL present.
Richard, with a straight face says, “I told you that you were going to hurt my feelings if you keep insisting that I didn’t get you a book.”
I just laughed at him. He’s such a bad liar.
I say thanks for the book, and tell everyone to get out so I can take a bath and start reading MY NEW BOOK.
Suddenly, Mr. Smooth starts back tracking. He seems to be pretty nervous about me damaging my book. I don’t know why. He knows how hard I am on books. If he didn’t want it to be well-loved and used, well he shouldn’t have got me a book.
FINALLY, he admits the book is not mine.
He had planned on letting me think the whole day that the book was mine, and then giving my real present on our hot date last night. That is, until he started thinking of all the ways someone elses $30 book was going to be at risk in our home yesterday.
I felt such triumph when he finally relented, and asked if I wanted to go over to the church and pick up my gift.
I said, ” Yep, I’m ready to go get my Kindle now.”
He just rolled his eyes.
He thinks I’m no fun.
I think he still loves me though. However, I am quite certain he learned some valuable lessons this time around. He just might be able to pull something sneaky off the next time a gift is in order.