Faithful Remembrances Blog

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Schedule for A Husband May 8, 2010

Filed under: Family — faithfulremembrances @ 6:47 pm

Sunday:  Realize the toilet has a leak.  Remove it so it can be replaced.

When you remove the toilet, recognize that the floor also needs to be repaired.

When you go to repair the floor,  realize the shower has to be taken out in order to repair the floor.

When you take out the shower,   realize the base is cracked and needs to be replaced as well.

As you are removing the shower walls, so that you can remove the base, remember to shut off the water.  Otherwise you will have a fire hydrant like spray spouting forth from the wall, all over your bathroom and bedroom.

Go to the local hardware store to buy a shower, toilet and flooring.   Worry about the cabinets  another day.

Call in reinforcements to help you repair the floor and install the new shower.

Once the floor is repaired, attempt to bring in the shower.  Quickly realize it doesn’t fit in your door.  Measure the window, realize it doesn’t fit through there either.

Go back to the hardware store for a two – piece shower.  Gasp in shock as you see the two piece shower cost one hundred dollars more than the one piece.   Get only mildly irritated.

Leave without a new shower, vowing to find a cheaper  better way.

No worries though, installing the new toilet and flooring will keep you busy until a better option can be found.

Monday :  Install just enough of the floor so that the toilet can be installed.  You realize this must be done ASAP because someone has to get up five times a night to go to the bathroom, and she finds it rather inconvenient to go all the way across the house to do so.

Tuesday:  Send the small bladder woman beautiful wife to the Habitat for humanity Restore to look for a cheaper two piece shower and bathroom vanities.  She calls to say they don’t have either BUT they do have a great deal on mosaic tile.  “What if we tile the shower?” she asks.  Sure, you got all the time in the world.

Thursday:  Finish installing flooring… almost.  Turns out you’re three pieces short.  Try not to curse as you realize you are now going to have to spend fifty dollars for three pieces of flooring because it is sold by the box, not by the piece.  Convince wife tiling the shower is not a good idea.

Saturday:  Get bribed pampered with your favorite breakfast.  Load up and head out for San Antonio in search of a shower and vanities.  Spend seven hours going to nearly every hardware store in the city.  Finally settle on an acceptable shower and double vanity.  Take your purchase order to the desk so that you can pay and get home.  The nice lady behind the desk will inform you they  no longer have the vanity in stock.  However, you can purchase the display.  Walk all the way back across the store to inspect display.  Realize it has a HUGE defect on the side.  Walk all the way back over and tell the nice lady behind the desk about the defect.  She says she’ll call back and see what kind of discount she can get you.  Twenty bucks off.  Tell the nice lady no thank you.  Tell her you no longer want the faucets, vanity, vanity top, and plumbing supplies but you will still take the shower.  Pull your truck around back so they can load the long sought after shower into your truck.  While waiting  twenty minutes for your shower, take a peek at your receipt.  Realize that the shower is the wrong size.  Go back to the front and ask for a refund for the shower you just bought twenty minutes before.  Drive to the nearest mega chain home improvement store.  Pick up that box of flooring you need three pieces out of and your ridiculously expensive two piece shower.  Drive one hour home trying not to think about how you spent the entire day to buy something you could have purchased five minutes from your home.

Arrive home to find toilet installed on Monday is broken.

Look at you wife, who by this time,  is thinking she is going to need to spend some time in that inpatient treatment facility you passed by on the way home with your shower, and smile.


4 Responses to “Schedule for A Husband”

  1. Summer Says:

    Ahhh, you got to love days like that. Sadly enough, it sounds like a typical “outing” in Kampala.

    Love from the North,

  2. lauradodson Says:

    Glad Jeff could be of help measuring the window to see if the shower would fit. :o)

    Sorry you have to walk clear to the other side of the house, again. I know it is approximately 20 steps from your bedroom…which is quite a bit farther than the approximate 7 steps to your master bath.

    I fully understand. Life is just hard. So very hard.

    Laura who was voting for the mosaic tile shower.

    • faithfulremembrances Says:

      My Dearest Laura,
      I fear that I detect just a bit of sarcasm in your comment. Those 13 steps are quite arduous in the middle of the night you know. You should also know that in addition to my bathroom being in complete disarray, yesterday my kitchen faucet quit working. In order to get the faucet off, the sink had to be removed. Removing the sink, caused the sink brackets to break. I am now on day two with no water in my kitchen as I wait for the new sink’s putty to cure. As we speak Noah is washing dishes in the bath tub. I briefly discussed with the workers of home depot how they obviously sabotage people’s homes while they are unaware. Their outburst of laughter only served to confirm my theory. My one hundred dollar toilet repair, has so far cost me one thousand dollars, and I still don’t have cabinets.

      Life is indeed hard my friend.


      God is still good.

      Melissa (who got out voted on the mosaic tile shower…sigh)

      • lauradodson Says:

        Have you ever seen the movie The Money Pit?

        It is sounding very apropos … maybe you should Netflix it?

        Unless of course it is like the 2 movies we Netflixed last night at my urging because I saw them when I was a teen with my youth group and loved them and then was horrified as my 2 teenage boys watched them for all of 5 minutes before their Mother turned off the movies and said, “I quit!” After I apologized profusely. …

        a.) What on earth was our youth group thinking????
        b.) I think Home Depot is definitely party to the whole conspiracy theory theory…which we allllll know is not a theory.

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