Faithful Remembrances Blog

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Dear Family Goat June 8, 2010

Filed under: Family — faithfulremembrances @ 11:09 am

One day we set about to complete a certain home school project.  It included the purchase of a goat.  That, my dear, is how you became a part of our family.  We set out to fatten you up, and then enjoy you roasted over an open fire.  You proceeded to worm your way into our hearts with your cute floppy ears, and incessant head butting.  The way you followed us around, made you seem more like a pet than dinner.

We committed to keep you and love you.

Then we left for vacation.

I know you were not around when I painstakingly planted my garden, and placed a nice tall fence to keep animals just like you out. I know you don’t have any wisdom stored up in your tiny little goat brain, on the wealth of benefits of pesticide free, home-grown vegetables.  As a result, one could over look and few squash, pepper, and bean plants with the tops chewed off.  Organic lettuce and spinach is available at a very good price and they don’t grow well in the hot Texas sun.  Those too, I can overlook.  I have to admit, that my thirty plus HEIRLOOM tomato plants chewed down have me more than a bit upset.  I might have been able to over look such a crime, since it appears they might produce some fruit despite your heinous acts.  However, when I see my rows of corn, lovingly planted from seeds not genetically modified and tampered with by man, that I planted, for the purpose of harvesting seed, chewed down to the tiny baby ears of corn, I draw the line.  You have gone to far.

It is at this point that I regret to inform you, that you must die.

Please, do not even attempt to use your old tricks in an attempt to spare your life.  I will not be swayed.  Don’t even think about blaming it on some other animal.  Your distinctly goat evidence has been left all over my garden.  It’s probably not even good fertilizer.  Perhaps if you were a milk goat I would allow a stay of execution.  However, since you provide nothing to our family but entertainment, I am afraid there is not much hope for you.  We are not a family that is big on being entertained.

It saddens me that we must depart in this fashion.


Cabrito Eater


5 Responses to “Dear Family Goat”

  1. Keltie Says:

    Your poor garden. When’s dinner?

  2. Kori Says:

    Like you weren’t gonna eat him anyway!!!! Try to make it like it’s cuz he’s naughty. He could’ve been perfect, and you still would have eaten him!!!! 🙂

    Hey, seriously, glad you’re home!

  3. Tova Says:

    When’s the party? I’ll start driving! Our neighbor roasts a whole lamb every Greek orthodox Easter time. It’s divine. And when I say whole, I mean head, to eyeballs to hoofs, to tail. Complete with whole lemons shoved up it’s ummm…rear end. Which my children think is hysterically funny.

  4. lauradodson Says:

    I WANT GOAT MEAT! please.

    i was heart sick to watch everything get eaten one by one…I couldn’t keep him out. he even came in and of the coop!

  5. Janet T. Says:

    NO! NOOOO! Don’t kill the poor fellow! He was just being himself. Why must he die for THAAAAAAAT? It wasn’t SO baaaad, was it? Goat murderer. 😉

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