Maybe I am different from everyone else.
Perhaps I am more selfish.
More concerned with
what other people will think….
maybe even a little bit too concerned about what’s in it for ME.
Actually, there is no questioning it…
When we first began to talk about adoption, it was, in fact all about us. We wanted these children, and we wanted them from this country, of this sex, of this age, and without these problems. (Not that any of that was wrong, it was, after all, God shaping and leading our desires) Mostly, what I was concerned with was how hard the road would be for ME. I wanted to eliminate as many variables as I could that would add to the difficulty of adoption. More importantly, I wanted to avoid those things which would be inconvenient, burdensome, hard, and painful for ME.
It never ceases to amaze me the depths of my depravity, the entirely sick grip selfish desires can have on my life.
Thankfully God is good, and He is the changer of hearts.
He changed my heart.
However, He didn’t bring about change with the snap of His fingers. There was no magic moment when I understood adoption is not about me. The understanding of who adoption is really about, and how the Lord truly feels about it, came through countless trials, heart wrenching scenes of broken and lonely children, His word, His Spirit, and some wonderful brothers and sisters who “got it” long before me.
What I learned is this:
Adoption is first and foremost about God.
The work He wants to do in the lives of children and parents, and the glory and honor He receives from that work, that’s where it’s at.
HIS people being HIS hands and feet.
Faith with deeds.
Secondly it is about the children.
Anyone who has had their eyes opens to the plight of the orphan knows it’s certainly about them.
Once you’ve seen, you’re changed.
Countless nights I have been laying in bed beside my sweet man, my heart in anguish over the MILLIONS, without a family.
Still, in the back of my mind, I have my list.
“Lord if you ever call us to this again, I don’t want this__________.”
I am so glad He is longsuffering, this child of His still has much to learn.
He is ever a willing teacher.
“You are of your father the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desire. He was a murder from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” John 8:44
That’s what He got when He adopted me, and you, if indeed you are His child.
The devil’s children.
My little list of don’t wants.
He got it all.
His children, they have run the gamut of destructive sinful behaviors.
He didn’t get the cute cuddly infant, straight from the hospital, and with that the avoidance of all the ugly and painful orphan behaviors.
No, He gets the kids in foster care no one wants.
You know, the ones that are the making of made for TV movies.
The one everyone warns you about.
Yes, He gets the kids that
stab you while you’re sleeping…
burn your house down….
have drug addictions….
poison your beloved family pet….
have eating disorders….
the children that come with the disclaimer “Needs to be youngest, or only child”.
His children, they all have the dreaded diagnosis of RAD. The one that strikes fear into the heart of every adoptive parent, Reactive Attachment Disorder. They cannot love, and reject every bit of true love shown them. All the while embracing the very things that are the antonym of love.
He gets the children that reject his love, his rules, his compassion, and his discipline.
What’s even greater, is He doesn’t just “get” those children, as if someone plops them in front of His throne.
No, He CHOOSES us.
He seeks us out.
He runs after us, leaving the 99.
He SUFFERS for us.
That we might no longer be children of the Devil,
He DIES for us.
As result, we become beloved
SONS OF GOD.
Then with compassion and mercy, and with strong cords of love He binds us to himself.
He cleanses our wounds.
He heals us.
He changes us.
He makes us like himself.
We no longer desire to do the sinister and evil deeds of our biological father.
We become like Christ.
We love and trust.
We are remade into the image of Christ, with the promise that He will NEVER
We are now apart of His forever family.
God’s been working on my heart. What HE is telling me is this:
HE loves the orphan.
All of them.
Regardless of their background.
Regardless of their sin.
No matter how damaged.
HE calls us to do the same. If He calls Richard and I do adopt again, I cannot say yes, but not ________.
The only answer can be,
“Yes, Lord. I trust you. You are good and you know what you are doing. If you are calling us, you will equip us.”
And it will be good because the same grace that saves me
Is available to them.