Faithful Remembrances Blog

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How About a Little Rant (with a dash of conviction) August 24, 2010

Filed under: Family — faithfulremembrances @ 2:31 pm

I am absolutely beside myself.

Seriously.

If I get lied to one more time, I might have to be hauled off in a straight jacket.

What the heck is it with this particular kid and lying?

What is with it with adopted kids lying?

This is the part when I say to those of you reading who are thinking, “What is it with you saying adopted kids, my kids are not adopted and they lie?”

I PROMISE YOU THEY DON’T LIE LIKE THIS.

It’s in all the books you know.  All the books on adoption and attachment that I HATE because for the most part they ignore the fact that behaviors like this are SIN and should be dealt with as accordingly.

Adopted children are known to compulsively lie.

About everything.

They say it’s an attachment issue.

I say I am going to go friggin’ ballistic if I get lied to again anytime in the next 24 hours.

This morning after I was lied to AGAIN about the most OBVIOUS thing, I did what any other deranged mother would do…

I yelled.

and screamed

and hollered.

I ranted and raged and fumed about how this child keeps lying to ME.

Ohh, I was good and ticked off.

With good reason too.

I left said child sitting on his bed, while I took his brother to the orthodontist.

Have you ever heard someone tell you that the best time to talk with your children about uncomfortable subjects is when you are in the car…because they can’t go anywhere?

I think God subscribes to that ideology.

I often get a talkin’ to by the spirit when I am in the car with nowhere to go and nothing to distract me.

This morning, as usual it was about the condition of my heart.

The questions burning in mind: “Why does this make me so angry?  Why can I get so worked up about this”

God’s answer:  “Out of the overflow of the heart your mouth speaks.”

“No really Lord, he actually sinned against you and me.  I should be angry shouldn’t I?”

“In your anger do not sin”

“Yeah, that’s real good.   Surely Lord you’ve noticed that is pretty much impossible for me.  Angry=sin in my world.”

“With me all things are possible.  Besides, the problem here is not a lying child, it’s your heart, for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.”

“How can I not be angry?  This is happening constantly?”

“Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.”

“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”

“To whom much is given much is required.  Forgive as you have been forgiven”

You see the real problem here is not that I have a compulsive liar in my house (although that is indeed a problem that must be dealt with) it is how this mother is dealing with the liar.

His lying doesn’t make me angry and have a ridiculous fit like some two-year old in the candy isle.

The sin in my heart does.

His sin doesn’t make me sin.

The sin in my heart does.

I can say that it angers me because he has sinned against a Holy God, and that would certainly be true.

Even truer though, is the fact that I am most angry because he has sinned against me.

It disrupts my little world to again stop and deal with something I don’t want to deal with.

Then I allow that anger to sit around and take up residence in this little heart of mine.

Then it fills to overflowing, and spills out on those around me.

I let the sun go down on my anger.  I don’t forgive as I have been forgiven.  I  don’t respond with the same grace that Christ has responded to me.  I don’t love the way that christ has loved me.

What a gift conviction is.  It allows me to repent.  Then, I find the grace to try again.  Realizing that in Christ,

I don’t have to wallow around in my anger.

I can respond with Christ’s love and compassion.

I can forgive when another sins against me.

I can respond with a soft answer.

I can face the same struggles day in and day out with grace.

I can do it all in love.

I can quit letting my heart fill with angry and bitter thoughts, and replace them with the truth of scripture.  Then the overflow onto others is love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and gentleness and self-control.

I could have used a little bit of that this morning.

The good news is I serve a risen Savior who is quick to forgive and always ready restore and equip.

That same God who does wonders for my heart…I am confident He will do the same in my son’s heart.

Until then, Lord please  grant me the grace to stay sane, I’m afraid I wouldn’t look very good in a straight jacket.

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7 Responses to “How About a Little Rant (with a dash of conviction)”

  1. Keltie Says:

    Oh I can soooo relate sister. Thank you for this very important reminder. For us it is not so much lying as it is making up fantasies about how his life was in Africa. He came here at less than 2 years old but he loves to tell us all about the things he did with his family there. It makes me crazy. I have to admit it. But now I also have to determine what it is in my heart that makes me that way.

  2. Tova Says:

    Melissa.

    I. SO. GET. IT!!!! You are not alone in snapping and not handling this well, nor are you alone in having to deal with this. In fact, you may have inspired me to do my own post on this in the near future.

    One thing that really helped me was to do this: (and I say this knowing that this might not work for you, it just does for us)

    When said child in question lies about the most obvious and blatant thing, I ignore it. I don’t question, push, demand the truth, etc. I IGNORE IT. This sometimes kills me. I may have to address some bad behaviour with the lie, but I ignore the lie. Then, a little while later (emphasis on little while) I get her and I into a safe space and we talk about it. I bring it up, I ask her about it, we discuss the reasons for it, or, or, or, AND THEN, we talk about the consequences and things that we need to do to make it right. At this point, she can handle this conversation and consequences. If I try to have this conversation with her at the time of the lie, it blows up into something UGLY all around. This is what is working for us right now, it may not work next week, but for now, this is working. I also have to tell myself during all of this, that her lying to me is not about me.

    Ok, I think you will manage this without the strait jacket, and no, it wouldn’t be a good look for you.

  3. Tova Says:

    Oh, Keltie,

    Did you know that E played Wii in Africa and ate sushi? I didn’t. But hey, who knew! 🙂

    • faithfulremembrances Says:

      William had a pet lion in Africa. Which I find totally fascinating considering he screamed like a banshee anytime we got around an animal for a good four months after we got home.

  4. Shauna Says:

    GGGGGGGGGGGGggggggggggggggggggreat post!! Great post! Yes, Amen, and ME too me too!

    I often think that God is working things out in me more than my child – revealing my sin, and so on. [just hope the child survives MY lessons] 🙂

    I also wanted to say thank you for saying that it IS different with an adopted child – it just IS when you are dealing with things rooted long before you adopted them.

  5. Wow, Melissa! Thanks for letting God use you to remind us all of our dirty rotten hearts overflowing, and that we do serve a risen Savior! Preach it sister!

  6. Summer Says:

    Right on mama! Thanks for sharing. By God’s grace I am a patient and tolerable mother, but when it comes to lying, I become quite the opposite. What a great reminder to look at my own heart {I always used the excuse that God hates lying and so do I}. Although lying is sinful and warrents discipline, my reaction is very important. My anger is just as sinful as the lying.

    Love,
    Summer

    P.S. Could I make a special order on that straight jacket–a lovely floral print please.


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