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Because I’m Feeling Snarky: A Walk Through People Magazine December 9, 2010

Filed under: Family — faithfulremembrances @ 7:42 am

Thanksgiving day I purchased a copy of People magazine while at the airport picking up my mom.

I never buy magazines.

This day I was bound and determined to hunt down the latest copy of People.

And not because the “Perfect Princess” is on the cover.

Seriously,  for a moment, I was like what princess???

I purchased this magazine because of a lovely little article tucked away inside,  the article showcases an amazing family and their heart for orphans.  Particularly those with HIV.  Most everyone reading this blog will know I’m talking about the Twietmeyer’s and their organization Project Hopeful.  If you don’t know about them, you should check out this ministry and this family…I promise you will be inspired.

Anyway I read the article in the airport, smiled real big, prayed a pray for hearts to be touched, and didn’t look at the magazine again.

Last night I figured since I dropped five bucks on this magazine I should give it a good gander.

I am truly thankful that the Lord allowed this family and their organization to receive the publicity they have.  I know He will use it to SAVE many lives and that is a most glorious thing.  What a platform they have been given to share their story and to rise awareness for orphans and those with HIV.  It makes me want to scream from the rooftops, “THANK YOU MY MOST WONDERFUL AND LOVING GOD!!!!!”

The rest of the magazine makes me want to shout something completely different.

This is where I warn you:  If you are easily offended or a lover of magazines maybe you should quit reading (this post…read all the magazines you want).

On the other hand if you can handle some snarky remarks and a little bit of humor..by all means read on.

On the cover what do I see but a princess smiling back at me.  Inside  stories abound about her style, her childhood, and her prince.

A lovely little shot of a basketball player and his soon to be ex-wife adorns the cover as well, along with the promise of the juicy story behind their ugly split inside.

Already I’m annoyed.

Page one and two are filled with the image of an extremely young lady trying to sell me some Gucci perfume.

Well,  at least she is fully clothed, maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

Next up, a two page ad with a close up of a woman with beautifully air brushed skin, trying to sell me a product to clean my skin 6x better than my hands alone.

I am thinking, I could just wash with my hands and my homemade soap and then Photoshop a closeup of my skin so it looks the same as the chick in the ad.

Save me some bucks.

Next page, Honda wants to give me some holiday cheer…by buying one of their cars…on a lease….Somehow I’m thinking holiday cheer and a car lease are not synonymous.

A few more pages in I see I need to buy some cream to even out my skin tone.  There are eggs in this ad and I am still scratching my head trying to figure out what eggs have to do with even smooth skin.  Whatever the connection, in just 12 short weeks I can see a 53% improvement of my skin.

Next up, I have to show this ad to the hubster, because it contains the secrets to the ultimate seduction…cologne.

Silly boy, he thought the best way to seduce his wife was doing the laundry.

Page 12 I can’t look at for too long unless I want the image of men with abnormally buff abs and chests forever burned in my brain.

I don’t, because I live with a normal man…and he’s more than enough for me.  So I quickly move on.

The next couple of pages try to tell me what fashion is bold and beautiful.

Umm, Ok.  I think I will stick with demure and comfortable.  Thanks for the suggestion though.

A couple of pages of “stars” I really care nothing about.

I much prefer the real stars up in the heavens.  I find them more inspiring..but that’s just me.

Moving on.

WOW!  Full page ad of a woman falling out of her bra, and sparkly panties advertising the Victoria’s Secret fashion show on CBS.  On CBS??????  Um, last I knew Victoria sold things that are not meant to be seen by the general public…I’m confused why this is on CBS and not pay per-view after midnight.  I also think the woman in the ad needs to visit the store and get a proper fitting.  I have heard that an ill-fitting bra can be quite bad for ones self-esteem or something like that.

So much for people being fully clothed and me thinking this wouldn’t be so bad.

More stars..oh what fun.

Yet another perfume ad.

Really I don’t smell that bad do I?  I better check.  Sniff.  Nope, I think I am pretty good in the scent department.

Good thing too, because I’m not sure I could afford all this smelly stuff.

Then again, if I had this stuff I would be sexy, beautiful, alluring, forever young, and snag the man of my dreams.

Wait a minute…I already have all that, and I didn’t drop a dime on perfume.

Well, except that forever young part…I don’t have that….but if I got some of that wrinkle cream…

More stars and more wrinkle cream.

I am starting to get the impression that the 7 signs of aging are really bringing me down and effecting my happiness.

Not to mention, maybe it’s why I am not rich and famous.

FINALLY an article with words and sentences perhaps even a story line.

Nope, not really, just more name dropping about famous people and a mention of an engagement.

I silently ponder how long before they’re on the cover in place of Mr. Parker and his wife.

Not too long to ponder though, I have a bunch of pages to get through.

Oh, just what I need the answer to strong hair. It is an ad for sulfate free shampoo, and truthfully that does intrigue me.  However it takes more than a lack of sulfates in a shampoo to impress me, and I’m guessing if I had this bottle in my hands the ingredient list would make me put it back on the shelf.

Hmm, women with freakishly colored hair, and they are saying it looks good.

I’m speechless.

Really.

Yikes more freakishly toned abs and chests!  Quickly turning the page.

More wrinkle cream…well actually serum.  There is a difference I suppose???  Whatever it is, it will make me look like I had a facelift in just three minutes.

I guess that would save me from the Botox injections.

Apparently Sarah Palin’s daughter’s have potty mouths.

REALLY??  This is news worthy??  WHO CARES????

Perfume, again.

Movies…must see movies.

I didn’t see the last 72 must see movies and I didn’t die..so I guess they must not be that must see.

Apparently the key to living unforgettable moments only requires some cologne.

The cure for Alzheimer’s right before our very eyes.

It will also get you a spaceship like airplane and a good-looking guy with a cute kid.

What more could a girl want?

Time for must watch TV shows.

Now see, here is a highly practical and needed ad, for a vacuum cleaner.  Everyone has dirty floors you know.

More wrinkle cream.

I am starting to see a pattern here.

Smell good, and have no wrinkles.  It’s the key to all worldly bliss.

Next up, hot music and the good news that the Beatles have finally come to iTunes, and for just $149 you can get a digital box set.

What in the world is digital box set?

Then there are some other musicians (and I have a feeling I use that term loosely) I have never heard of before that have new albums.

I see Eminem snagged a Grammy nomination. Really?  His lyrics are award-winning?

Again I am speechless.

I guess in addition to my perfume and wrinkle cream I need to add gratuitous violence to my list of things I need to be rich and famous.

Books!!!  Now that is right up my alley.  Surely I will find something worth while in this section.

Wrong again.

Thankfully the CDC reminded me that me and everyone in my house needs to go get a flu shot.

I think I’ll pass, thanks anyway to the ever so trusted CDC for thinking of us.

Now were getting somewhere.  The cover story is up now, The Making of a Princess.

At least she’s cute.  Then again, of course she is, when was the last time I saw an ugly princess?

11 pages of information on the new happy couple.  Including  26 photos of the princess in various outfits.

Pay attention single ladies.  You want a prince, then you gotta dress like a princess.

and

The other cover story, because we just all have to know what tore this once happy couple apart…to better our own marriages of course.

What’s this?  An ad for tea?  That seems almost as out-of-place as the vacuum ad.

Then again we were just reading about British royalty..so it makes sense.

Ahh, a WONDERFUL breath of fresh air.

A real woman, in real clothes, with a real reason to be in People magazine.

It is at this point I want to say that truly this woman is thus far the most attractive person in this magazine.

Truly.

Not to mention she has a life actually worth reading about.

Not because she is rich or famous.  Not because she has the most in style fashions filling her closet.  Not because she has a shelf lined with the most wonderful fragrances and the world’s best wrinkle creams.  Not because her husband has those ab and chest muscles that make me blush (not that I would actually know, because I have never seen her husbands bare torso..but I’m just guessing he has a real body too.  If I’m wrong, way to go Carolyn for snagging that man without the perfume.)

Her story is worth reading because she loves Jesus.  Her story is worth reading because she LIVES out that love by loving others around her.  Her story is worth reading because it teaches us the true meaning of love and pure religion.  Her story is worth reading because in her story, I get a glimpse of my Jesus of how I can be more like Him.  Her story is worth reading because it doesn’t spur me on to self and materialism, it spurs me on to love and good works.

Five pages worth reading.

Five pages that don’t leave me thinking I am inadequate because I don’t look the way the girl in the ad does, or don’t have the things the people in the magazines do.

Five pages that warm my heart when I see her daughter, who would be DEAD, were it not for Carolyn and Kiel, strong and vibrant and filled with a beauty that doesn’t come from a store, but from knowing the TRUE and Living God.

Five pages that offer hope.

Five pages that speak to my heart and encourage me to do big things with the time I have on this planet.

Five pages that tell me we have room for more in our home and in our heart.

Five pages that tell me I have an amazing God who can do all things all on His own.

Yet He CHOOSES to use His people to do amazing and awe-inspiring things.

Five pages that leave me in awe as I see a family being the hands and feet of my Savior.

Five pages that make me want to give more of myself, more of my time, and more of my money so that others may live and know this God that I know.

It’s a beautiful thing.

I think to myself it was worth the five bucks.

I thank the Lord for speaking to me through this family and this article.

Then I find right smack dab in the middle of this wonderful article a four page ad for Bulova watches.

$300-$750 watches

and my heart breaks.

It hits me hard right in the chest.

It pierces my heart.

This magazine read each month by millions is filled to the brim with pages and ads that say you must have more, you must look younger, you must be thin, you must watch these movies, you must listen to this music, you must have these clothes, you must have……more and more and more.

Then you will be happy.

Then you will be liked.

Then you will be fulfilled.

Page after page month after month of lies.

Except this month.

This month tucked neatly inside is truth.

A truth that will rock people to the core.

A truth that could change this world.

Statistics say that there are about  2,154,000 Evangelical Christians in this country.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if all of us lived out our faith like the Twietmeyrs…or like any number of other families just like them?

I can’t even begin to imagine what the landscape of the world would look like in light of  2 million people living the way this family does.

Lord help me to be your hands and feet.

Help me to bring your truth and light into this dark world.

Lord help my family to be the change.

To give more of our selves.

To lay down our lives, that you may be glorified.

To live in such a way that others are inspired to know and serve you.

To live for the world to come and to never be drawn in by the stuff and the sin that so easily entangles us here.

May $750 watches always break my heart.

May we never lose sight of that which is true and good.

May we never stop doing the good we know to do.

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4 Responses to “Because I’m Feeling Snarky: A Walk Through People Magazine”

  1. Tova Says:

    Thanks for writing this. I’ve been pondering this for a while now too. I bought the magazine as well. I have never bought a People’s mag before. I tore the ad for the watch out without even looking at it because I was impatient and it got in my way.

    After reading the article, I thought the same thing. I’ve dropped 5$ on this thing, I should look at it. I, however, lasted about 10 seconds. BORING. And disgusting, and horrifying, and insipid, and stupid, and, and, and. I get so sad, angry, and disgusted that most of these things make it into that kind of news. We are such a self centered continent.

    • Karen Says:

      People magazine is, with the occasional exception like the one about which you write, mindless junk. But, for some, it serves an escapist purpose, and I don’t have a problem with that.

      A couple of tidbits – I do think it matters that Palin’s daughters have potty mouths, especially if Palin has her eye on the White House, and especially given I believe she’s defended the potty that’s come out of their mouths. And Eminem’s lyrics are good – I wouldn’t let my children listen to them, but, for what he does, he does it well.

      But, the ads, the celebrity gossip, etc. – you’re right, we’re a little too focused on it, and ourselves.

      • faithfulremembrances Says:

        I am well aware that people magazine is mindless junk..that would be why I ever purchase it. I am actually not fine with escapism, especially when it takes the form of exploitation, consumerism, waste, and gossip. If ones life is so bad that they feel the need to escape, I personally feel their time would be much better spent doing something to change their life or change the life of another, rather than indulging in mindless drivel. That’s just my opinion.

        I will still stand by my statement that the fact that Sarah Palin’s GROWN daughters swearing is not news. Regardless of whether or not she has her eyes on the white house. (and no I didn’t vote for her, nor would I ever) As I recall in the last year our VP dropped the F bomb at a news conference that was televised around the world and our president said he was going to kick ass on national television. Yes, I was ashamed of my country at that point. Ashamed that the highest offices in our country had been reduced to a level where there is no longer any dignity. However, they chose those words, not their children. Her children are grown, and if hey want to swear right along with the president, than I don’t believe it has any bearing whatsoever on Sarah and her eyes for the presidency. Not to mention that the same magazine that praises a man for his lyrics about rape and killing, and plays homage to a host of other “stars” that use foul language as a way of life…and garner awards for it, is hypocritical at best. Nope I don’t think it was news, and I don’t think it matters. But that is just my
        opinion.

        Perhaps I should have been more clear in my writing. The point of the post is that while MILLIONS of people in this world go without food, and water, and life saving medicine…we waste time and money on worthless things. The five bucks I spent on that magazine could have saved the lives of two children who died of malaria the day I bought it. The cost of that $750 watch could feed, clothe, educate, and provided medical care for nearly 7 children FOR A YEAR.

        As one of those evangelical Christians who sat on the sidelines for too long, I believe I will have to answer for why I cared more about grammy’s, wrinkles, and potty mouths more than I cared about the dying, the oppressed, the hungry, the sick, and the lost.

        and that my friend is what I consider news worthy. If I want to escape my life, I should do it not in the pages of a magazine or in my television…I should do it by helping others who have no hope of ever escaping theirs.

        and I should do it because a massive price was paid for my soul so that I could escape eternal hell.

  2. Keltie Says:

    Standing Ovation for you, my friend. I second all of it. Especially the funny bits.


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