Faithful Remembrances Blog

Just another WordPress.com weblog

In the Moment January 5, 2012

Filed under: Family — faithfulremembrances @ 11:00 am

I am basically a chicken.

I thought, until last month, that my fear was regulated to the normal phobias.

Spiders.

Falling off, or for that matter, standing upon anything more than… say 5 feet off the ground.

Living in a camper the rest of my life.

Barreling down steep hills, with no control, on a piece of inflated rubber.

You know, normal everyday type of fears.

Well, December rolled around and boy howdy did I have a lot to learn about my fears.

Turns out I am not so normal after all.

I know. Shocker.

After a month of panic attacks that were brought on by a plethora of things like: small spaces, large places, new places, new people, old people (the kind I have known for a while, not the aged variety), cooking, shopping, lack of money, illness, dying, the phone ringing, text messages needing answered….the list goes on and on and on.  I pretty much figured out I might possibly have a fear issue.

Who knew?

It was an abnormal experience for me, as I have never really experienced anything like that.  Ever.

Not one to waste horrid experiences, I decided to ponder what my real issue is, because fear is just the symptom…right?

As best as I can tell, I have a control issue and a trust issue.

I want to be in control and I’m not.

I don’t really trust the One who is.

Pretty crappy for someone who has been supposed to have been walking with Jesus for the last ten years.

It is what it is.

As a result, I decided for my New Year’s resolution I would determine to conquer some of my fears this year, and try to put myself in positions where I must trust God to save me, or kill me.  Which ever He would prefer.

Truth be told, I figured I could break this one like every other resolution I have ever made.  At the very least I thought I could put it off a while.  Like December 21, and then we would find out the Mayan’s are right and I would have an excuse for why I did not follow through.

Of course not.

Yesterday we were invited to go tubing.  Not the water and boat variety, which I find terrifying as well, but the barreling down a step hill on an inflated piece of rubber variety.

I was simply tagging along to take pictures.  Somehow how I thought my meer presence there would save my children from broken bones, so that was just an added bonus for showing up.

Some people I know are so pushy.  They have that peer pressure thing down good.  These are the type of people who also fling small children off their tubes and send the sliding across the ice, making them sob and cry.

I tried giving excuses.

I might pee my pants, was one of my best.

No good, these people know I have seen Tim Hawkins live.

So there I was, refusing to go.  Content on the top.

When that Hound of Heaven began barking at me.

OK, it wasn’t barking, but it sure felt like it.

“This would be a good time to trust me.  You know that resolution you made.  Save you or kill you, you said.  I think you should go ahead and try that now.”

Seriously, I was terrified.  This might seem like a walk among the daisy to everyone else on the planet, but I was TERRIFIED.

This wasn’t the kiddy hill.

It took a good many minutes once I got the tube to get going, and I screamed like a school girl all the way down BUT I did it.

It wasn’t as fun as everyone said it was going to be, but admittedly it wasn’t horrible.

 

Here I am before, all laughter and smiles.  When really I was shaking, and scared, and worried I would pee my pants.

Instigators, the whole lot of them.

Here I am afterward.  Thankfully, my pants were still dry.  That’s not a smile on my face either, it’s a grimace.  Don’t confuse the two.

The funny thing is as I was going down, digging my toes as deep as I could into the snow in a feeble attempt to go slow,  I wasn’t thinking about peeing my pants, broken bones, death, or the people around me making fun of the woman screaming like a baby.  I was thinking about Jesus.   Only Him.  In those few seconds, everything else faded away.  It didn’t just seem unimportant to think about, it was NO WHERE on my mind.

Isn’t that what Christ truly wants from me?  Is that what it means to seek first His kingdom?  To commit your ways unto Him?  To be heavenly minded?  To cast your cares upon Him?  When He is in my view, and the consuming thought of my heart and mind is, “Jesus I need you this moment.  All I have is you and whether you save me of kill me, I trust you.  I’m taking this leap, using this moment for you.”  Doesn’t everything else in life fade in light of that thinking, in light of that living?

I have spent too much time thinking and worrying about things I can do nothing about and not nearly enough time focused on Jesus.

Doing that makes everything but HIM look big.

When I have my priorities right, everything looks minuscule in compared to Him.

Lord forgive me for making you look small, for my lack of trust, for fear and worry, and for putting myself in the place that only you belong.

Help me to live with only you as my consuming vision, in the moment.

 

10 Years Ago Today January 4, 2012

Filed under: Family — faithfulremembrances @ 6:11 am

I woke  up in the middle of the night and went to work in labor.

Afterward, we drove to the hospital and found out no progress had been made. The doctor was sure I was NOT actually going to have a baby that day.  My nurse told me that she thought I was going to be sent home.

Forty-three minutes later my Grace was born.

She’s lived fast and furious ever since.

Happy Birthday to my adventure loving girl.  You are a joy and delight to me and your daddy.

 

 

 

 

 

She reminded me this morning that it is also Jack’s gottcha day, so happy one year of being her cat Jack.

 

 

 

Proof December 1, 2011

Filed under: Family — faithfulremembrances @ 10:16 am

that my 6-year-old is an artistic genius.

Maybe I’m just bias, but I seriously thinks she’s good.

 

Thirty Days of Thankfulness November 30, 2011

Filed under: Family — faithfulremembrances @ 8:58 am

17.  Thankful for church family who opened their home to our family for Thanksgiving.  What a blessed and joyous day it was!

18.  Thankful for my Grace, who through tears and heartbreak, trusted God in her darkness.

19.  I’ve said it before, but I’m saying it again, because it blesses so much:  I am thankful for laughter.  It does my heart good, like medicine.

20.  I am thankful for Kaleb.  His quick wit, sense of humor, and perfectionist tendencies bless me, because they make life interesting,  and they remind me of my father.

21. I am thankful for venison.

23.  I am thankful for Noah, he is a joy and delight to my heart.

24.  I am thankful for the evidences of the Holy Spirit working on William’s heart.  This once hard and angry boy, is tender toward God, and has an eager heart to know Him more.

25. I am thankful forgiveness.  Not just from Christ, but from my family and for my family.  Broken people, living together, with abundant grace.  It’s a beauty to behold.

26.  I am thankful for illness and weakness in my body, for it draws me closer to Jesus, causes me to rely on Him more, and makes me long for the day when I am finally home.

27.  The same goes for want.  Lack of things that I perceive as needs, makes me stop and realize what my true needs are.  All at once I realize that all my needs have been met, in Christ, on the cross.  All else is extravagance.

28.  I am thankful that God is a God of extravagance.  Like a good Father, he delights to give good gifts to his children.  Everyday, I reap the rewards of his extravagant love and blessing.  He gives good gifts.  Good and perfect gifts.

29.  I am thankful that this extravagant God does not change.  He is, and was, and always will be.  The same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  There are no words to describe the comfort that brings to this weary soul.  Do you need a miracle?  My God is a God who delights to do impossible things.  The One who breathes out stars,  splits wide the seas, and provides perfect atonement has not changed.  He is the great I AM, and he can do all things.  Who else do we have but him?  Who else is worthy of all our trust, adoration, and praise?  There is no one like him in all the earth, or in the skies above, or in the seas below.  There is none like him.

30.  I am thankful for snow.  What a glorious reminder of God’s infinite glory and grace.  It’s speaks of his majesty, wisdom, and power.  At a time He chose, he splits open the storehouses, and pours down on his people, this beautiful reminder:  Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow.

 

Anesthesia November 20, 2011

Filed under: Family — faithfulremembrances @ 7:48 pm

Richard cut his finger trying to fix my tea cup, and it was/is a pretty decent cut.  As I was attempting to put that skin glue junk on it, it was looking like stitches were in order.  He was ready for me to stitch the cut up.  The following was heard at my house:

Me:  “Do you really want me to stitch this up without anesthesia?”

Richard: “Well I don’t know where we would find anywhere around here.”

Grace:  “I know where we can get some anesthesia, it’s called a stick.”

*Thankfully the glue worked and no clobbering with a stick or doctors were needed.

 

30 Days of Thankfulness November 17, 2011

Filed under: Family — faithfulremembrances @ 6:29 am

Day 16

  • I am thankful for friends who bring my family good food and extra dark chocolate to me  for comfort.
  • I am thankful for doctors who listen, and have humility.
  • I am thankful for the praying women in my church.
  • I am thankful for joyous fellowship.
  • I am thankful for repentance and the freedom it brings
  • I am thankful for dear friends and their stories of God working in their lives
  • I am thankful for love.
 

30 Days of Thankfulness November 15, 2011

Filed under: Family — faithfulremembrances @ 7:21 pm

Days 4-15

Day 4  I am thankful that my life is busy and full, so busy I cannot keep up blogging 30 days in a row.

Day 5  I am thankful for Grace.  She is a light in our home, always bringing laughter, right when it is needed.

Day 6  Chickens, pastured raised, and now in my freezer…and the guys who processed them.

Day 7  William, I could not ask for a better helper, or one with a more charming smile.

Day 8  Richard, works hard, loves hard, forgives freely.  There is not a man I respect more.  He has my heart.  Always.

Day 9  Snow

Day 10  My children getting build their first snowman, and the joy it brought them.

Day 11  Faith, given by a gracious God, just when I need it.

Day 12  Marissa carrying around her baby, braiding her hair like an expert, then saying in a squeaky voice, “Grandma, can I sleep with you tonight?”  I adore that her baby “calls” me grandma.  Makes me a wee bit excited to be one for real….in several years ;0)

Day 13  Friends who let my guys hunt on their land.

Day 14  My local church body.  Seriously, there are no words.  God answered our prayers well beyond anything we could have imagined with this group.

Day 15 Second chances, and passes driving exams.